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Realization of the "I" Within

In 1993, I was privileged to have been permitted to participate in a firearms demonstration supervised by personnel from the local and state law enforcement communities. The event included live fire demonstrations of various firearms and protective materials technologies as well as instruction on firearms safety.

I was permitted to fire live rounds onto a private outdoor firing range from handguns ranging from the 9mm Beretta to a 357 Magnum Colt Python, rifles ranging from the AR-15 to AK-47 to Bryant .50 caliber rifle, and submachine guns ranging from the M-16 Minipup to MP-5, I was introduced to the awesome power that this technology had now evolved; revealed in its true refined fury.

It is easy to watch movies where this power is unleashed in a variety of exciting action sequences, carefully choreographed for the camera, but as I found out, it is quite another situation to actually find yourself on the delivery end of silenced rounds ricochetting, whispering forth from the single act of your fingers, gripping an engineering construct no more than eight to ten pounds. What was probably most fascinating to me was how easy the weapon was to use, how light it was, and how so utterly destructive it was, emptying an extended clip I had just spent 5 minutes loading with 9mm rounds in less than 15 seconds in the full automatic setting. The feeling of release was exhilarating in a primal sense, educational as a writer it provided me an experience I could translate to my stories with accuracy, frightening in a sense of what could be done with this technology, and enlightening in a final sense of it being an extension of who we are as humans. Humans as a species designed these weapons and refined them for a reason. Armed forces exist to use them because we don't trust the other people in power in other places of the world who also use similar devices. They are instruments to ward off other humans who may do us harm. We think so much in terms of ourselves that we forget that we as humans aren't the only things on this planet. We forget who we are as people, as a species, and many times we don't even know who we are as individuals. But more often than not in our urban society, what we don't realize is that who we fear is ourselves.

So often in our popular literature do we hear of notorious crimes committed that the popular press would take the position of advocacy to banish the weapons used, as if banning the weapon would somehow magically solve the true problem within the individual. No where has the discussion even been raised that _WE_ are the problem, that we are the ones that should be responsible with our technology, whether it be firearms, genetics, computers, or what have you. Technology exists because we exist. Technology exists to serve us, to serve the will of humans. We use technology to exert our will upon others, or express our feelings by healing, inflicting pain, creating or destroying others, whether they be people, things, or nature. Technology is a reflection of who we are as a whole and the technologies we select to use, and the way we use it in our lives are a reflection of who we are as people. The right to bear arms was written into the U.S. Constitution because our Founding Fathers themselves did not wish to ever place unconditional trust in the government. They believed that government should serve the people and if it should ever become tyrannical, the people had a means of resistence. It was this right that made the Revolutionary War a possibility and gave the people of the original colonies a chance to overthrow what they perceived and denounced as an unlawful tyranny.

No matter where you go, you return to one truth: that what anyone does with technology, no matter what it may be (including their own hands), is that one person's sole responsibility. Each person is responsible for their actions regardless of their reasons. From the human who takes another's life, to the judge who lets a violent offender off easy, to one person who may be rude to another. Their reasons and justifications don't matter. Their acts and their consequences still stand alone and every consequent occurence thereafter is touched by the original choice. There is no such thing as a victimless crime. Every act stands alone as an indication of who we are. Its technological implements or words written on a page are irrelevant in the face of the choice. We, and we alone are responsible for each of our choices and our actions.

In recent times we have been bombarded by superficial images presented by the press, doing their job of reporting what they see, of individuals who seek excuses for their actions, whether it be killing an abusive parent, being the abuser in a relationship, deciding to cut corners on a construction site, dumping chemicals into nature, or using other pieces of technology epitomized by drug use and committing acts under their influence, whether they be from illegal drugs or artificial snack food. We're looking so hard to find excuses for our actions that we ignore the fundamental fact that we ALONE are responsible for our actions, our choices, and their consequences. Just as taking a life may be a choice in their state, so is seeking help. In order for a person to have the ability to make one choice, they must also have the ability to make the other. All that separates the two is the individual's choice, weighed one way or the other by what they hold of value. Whether drug induced or cruelly abused, our acts still reflect who we are, showing for all to see what lies in our hearts, minds and souls. Perhaps the greatest tragedy in all of this is that we are no longer teaching our children that just as we are the only people responsible for our actions, they too are the only people responsible for their actions AND the consequences of their choices.

It seems that we have been so distracted by the symptoms of our loss of individual identity that we can only see the symptoms of the disease ravaging around us. So few of us really know, REALLY know who we are as individuals; we don't know what we hold of value, what it is that we truly believe. This is compounded by the fact many do not understand that they are still responsible for every choice they make and action they take. We hide behind formal titles and labels, fears and desires, hopes and disillusionments so long that we really have no idea who we are. What do you value? What do you stand for? Who are you? We are bathed and surrounded by artificial structure and constructs, hidden away in our cages of wood, steel, and concrete, watching electrons bombard picture monitors, seeing only what other people show us, hearing only what other people tell us. We are animals who live in cages we've built for ourselves, reliant upon the technologies, the tools around us to live our lives as perceived by the majority. We have become lazy, so reliant upon technology that we cannot imagine ourselves without it. We listen to the news or to our favorite personalities to have our decisions made for us. It has reached a point that few could imagine living without technology. And in the case of medicine, many would die without technology's continous intervention. Our entire society has become based on its existence.

And finally, there is a corollary to the truth of responsibility of action that is undeniable. It is NOT any easier psychologically for principled people to use a firearm to take a life than it is to use one's bare hands. Ease of use of a device is not directly related to a person's willingness to take a life. Anyone who claims otherwise has missed the very truth that stares them in the face: People make the decisions. Their hands and fingers are only extensions of their hearts, minds, and experiences. And from this triumverate sprouts an entity known as values; and whether or not they know it, all people make decisions based upon their values. In the absence of a value, the entire decision process changes. The ease or difficulty of a choice for action hinges on those personal values. If you do not value life, you will have no second thoughts taking it.

If you see and value only your own personal well being and self gratification, then what happens around you or to others to get what you want is of little consequence. If you value only revenge, your other values will dictate what kind of action you take and how far you will go. You have to VALUE life to be unwilling to take it. And you have to VALUE the well being of another to care about what happens to them. All of this starts inside each of us. It is who we are. It is our ignorance of ourselves that will kill us, that will cause us and others the greatest pain, not knowing what we want or who we are. And once we begin to understand that, we may begin to realize that we have a responsibility and a role in this world: to know ourselves, to be true to ourselves, to think for ourselves, and to recognize we and we alone make the choices for our actions, extending ourselves out into the world with whichever piece of technology we see fit.

Life is a wonderful thing. Live it and do something with it that will make a difference to you and not just anyone else, even if only in a small way. Let your values be your guide. Understand that nothing happens over night so nurturing and persistence is required. But before anything can grow, you must be true to yourself. And the only way to be true to yourself is to know yourself first. In ignorance there is neither truth nor life.

Albert Wang 2-17-96